At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
