for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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