ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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