omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
