Screwed.edu
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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