Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
