I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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