I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
