You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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