I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
