Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
