I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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