Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
