I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
