My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
