Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
