I have demons in me.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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