she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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