Just fell off a train. Bad.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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