Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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