So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
