he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
