Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
