Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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