i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
