we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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