Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
