So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
