The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
