Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
