I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
