It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize