She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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