I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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