would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
