I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Randomize
