My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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