I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
