carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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