Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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