Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
