I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Randomize
