after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
