scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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