i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize