I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
