textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize