; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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