just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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