atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize