You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
