hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize