Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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