What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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