I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
