so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
