I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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