even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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