I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
