I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
