Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
