btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
