I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My ass is underappreciated
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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