mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize