This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
