So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
