help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just google imaged poop.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
