i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
