You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She even gives head with a lisp.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
