I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
